How and Why?

How soon is too soon? One year? One month? One week? How about two days? My mind is curiously over-wraught with possibilty. How is it that it takes me 23 years to meet someone of note and when we encountered our demise I find something teeth-sink worthy is two days? I recognize the rebound potential of my situation - mind, heart, body are still freshly reeling with the loss of what was a best friend. And yet. I sat across from him, butterflies swimming in the pool of my belly, head intoxicated with something completely foreign. How, in two and a half years, did I never experience even a glimpse of what I felt in one 3 hour evening.

I've given up looking for "the one". I think. I don't know. I guess what I mean is that the romantic ideals of youth are fading. I'm thinking that maybe there are several kinds of good fits for me out there. Like jeans I suppose. Some low rise boot-cut just leave me with an incurable pooch, while others hit me right in all the best places. Same with relaxed fit, really. So how can I in good conscience pick between the two? Even if this new encounter of mine pans out into nothing, I'm more sure of what I'm really looking for. It's not tangible, or even practical. It's a feeling. It's what makes me lose my grip on my purse so it spills open during dinner. It's what makes me stare at someone and have moments where I stop hearing the spoken words. Ultimately, it's a feeling that drives me to be the best version of my authentic self.

It's hard. This starting over thing. Will he call? Does he like me? Does it matter? Why do I care so much? Why am I such a girl? Breathe. Count to five. Start over again. Oh well. I guess the most important thing is to continue having a high regard for myself. Not settling for anything less than what I value and deserve. Learning from each interaction.

But I still hope he calls.....