The Breakdown

One minute he's there, the next he's not. One moment moves you from feeling comfortably shrouded in his companionship to naked, cold and insecure. Who knew how much the little things would matter - the smell of his forehead, the feel of two torsos pressed against eachother, the ease with which he could be called about any little thing. It's an undefineable loneliness. Two years lived, and gone. The singular moment it's over, it becomes harder to remember the game of Jenga we've been playing for sometime. Blocks removed from a seemingly stable towering structure until one by one it's wavering in insecurity. All it takes is one final pull, no matter how delicate, to send all the pieces crashing down around you.

I understand the rebound relationship now more than ever. Give me something else to cling to. Show me I can be loved again. I've spent more of my life single than not and yet, the last 2 years have ironed me thin with a need never before experienced. Starting over is exciting yet paralyzing at the same time. How quickly one is reminded of the russian roulette of the single's scene. I know in my head all the information my heart is not privy to. That no lonliness is worse than the lonliness felt in an empty relationship. That being alone and treating yourself with respect is better than being with another who can't meet you half way. But man.

I know I'll be fine. I'm always fine. Regardless of what has befallen me in years past, I managed to be, well, fine. So this little valley will be no different. I will grieve the death of a hope and move beyond it. Today finds me wading through the wreckage and the struggle to not dwell. Maybe tomorrow will find me letting my proverbial hair down and once again dancing for no reason at all.